Friday, May 26, 2006

There was a couple that had been married for twenty-five years, and their sex life had gotten extremely boring. So one day they met a Martian couple and decided to change partners.
The human woman left with the Martian man and as they were having sex he asked, "How is it?"
"It's nice, but I wish you were longer!" she said. "No problem, all you need to do is yank on my ear until it is the length you would like it to be!"
So she yanked his ear. "How is it now?"
"Great!" she said. "But I wish it were a little thicker!"
"No problem, all you have to do is pat my head until it reaches the width you like!"
So she patted his head.
The next morning the wife was ecstatic when she met up with her husband. She exclaimed while trembling, "I just experienced the most incredible orgasm of my life!!!...How was your night?"
He exclaimed, "That Georgeous Greenie kept slapping me on my head and yanking my ears!!!"

Thursday, May 11, 2006

On a recent transpacific flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then an Aussie bloke stands up in the rear of the plane. He is good-looking, tall, well built, with sun-bleached blond hair and blue eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. ......One button at a time. ........No one moves. .........Everyone is transfixed. ........He removes his shirt. ........Muscles ripple across his chest. .......She gasps... ........
He whispers... "Here ya go luv - iron this and then go get me a beer...."

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.She says, "What's the story?"He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"